Bok Sanctuary Path
I’ve been dancing to and fro with the call to do emotional healing work with others for several years now. When I ask myself, “Who am I? Why am I here?” I know the answer. I would take a few steps toward it and then something would trip me up again. Have you ever wanted something so much, knew that it was what you were meant to do, and you still couldn’t get started?
I used to lay a real guilt trip on myself for this. However, I’ve learned that guilt truly serves no constructive purpose. When you kick yourself to the ground, it can sometimes take more effort to pick yourself up than it would if someone else had given you the boot. At least you can take an “I’ll show you” attitude when someone else has a go at you. Self-forgiveness is not always easy. If you are able to do it, without the self-judgment holding you back, it’s not so hard to start again.
Life, and the healing process, is a journey. It’s not always clear where the twists and turns will take you. As you look at this picture, you will see that the path keeps going although you don’t know where it’s headed or what’s around the next bend. It used to scare me, the not knowing. It’s taken me a while to get even a bit comfortable with that.
It used to frustrate me that, with all the studying I have done, I still had trouble getting on with my life. I knew that what I wanted to share had value. I knew that my own perspective of that work is helpful. I could give you a list of qualities that others admire about me. I could even list what I admire about myself. And I still couldn’t seem to move forward. Why? Because I still focused on and felt guilty about all the ways I wasn’t perfect. As I said, guilt doesn’t work. It can paralyze you. What works is love. Louise Hay says that loving yourself means never ever criticizing yourself. That isn’t a cop out. It’s an honest recognition of your humanity. This is an act of loving kindness toward yourself. I went back to the basics of all the inner healing methods I’ve learned and started doing them consistently for myself. That’s when I found my light. Love is like a warm glow, a soft light that can brighten up the darkest places, melt the hardest feelings.
I have had plenty of help along my journey and I’m so grateful for that. Many people have loved me and been more generous with me than I have often been with myself. Without that mercy, I don’t know where I’d be. There also came a time when I had to decide that, mostly, it was all up to me. No matter what help was being offered, I had to choose to receive it. No matter what guidance was being given, I had to choose to listen and act. No matter how much love was being offered, I had to choose to wrap it around me and let it sink in. Whenever I do, life is really good.
I’ve forgiven myself for all the past self-doubt, all the false starts, all of the resistance to living not up to but into who I am. I’ve forgiven myself for not having all the answers. I realized that no one does (if they tell you they do, run the other way). I’m still on my journey (because I’m still alive). Every time I have a hurt or a fear or an obstacle, if I’m willing to really look honestly at it, it’s an opportunity to heal, a blessed chance to discover another part of me that hasn’t come fully out of the dark and doesn’t feel my connection to the Divine Light.
That’s the work I’ve been doing for myself over the last several months. Once I declared that I was ready to step forward and commit to working with others, I had more resistance pop up than at any other time in my life. I know that it happened because I was on the verge of a breakthrough. My Higher Self was telling me that it’s time for me get on with it and I had better get a few more things cleared up before I do. It’s taken some patience with myself and I’ve given lots of hugs and kisses to my scared inner child selves to get through it. And I let the people around me love me. I believe them when they say it’s time for me, because I let me love myself.
2010 is almost upon us. I’m working hard to put a solid foundation in place to make it easier for me to do what I was born to do. It is going to be a bright, shiny new year for me and anyone else who wants it. Are you ready to let yourself be loved? Are you ready to love yourself? Are you ready to come out of the dark and walk along the glittering path that the Divine has laid out for you? I sure am. If you are, say “YES!” Then join the conversation here. I would be honored to show you how I found my way, how I discovered where my light had been hiding. Watch for new blog posts and for programs coming in January 2010.
Many blessings, and lots of love,
Sharon
